Nanny Agency JobsTwo children want the same toy, and “take turns” has not told either of them what happens next. A useful response makes the problem specific: who is using it, what the other child wants to do, and what would count as a finished turn. Then you can help them try an arrangement they understand.
The suggestions here are original NAJ examples for ordinary play with age-appropriate toys already approved by the family. Use the household’s established approach to disagreements. A turn arrangement is a practical agreement for this moment, not a test of either child’s character.
Find the request underneath the argument
Begin with what you can see: “You are using the toy telephone, and you want to make a call too.” Avoid assigning a motive such as being selfish or deliberately spoiling the game. If both children speak at once, hear one account and then the other without asking either child to repeat a polished explanation.
A child might want the object itself, a particular part of the game or a chance to join the other child. Those requests need different answers. “Do you want to use the telephone, or be in the telephone game?” can be useful when the distinction is unclear. Accept a point or demonstration as an answer.
Head Start includes adult-supported conflict solving, expressing needs and taking turns in its preschool social framework. Social Preschool.
Give the turn an understandable ending
Ask the child using the toy what they are doing with it now. A pretend call might already have an ending: delivering a message and saying goodbye. Make that ending concrete enough that the waiting child can recognize it. “After this call” means little if the call acquires five new characters whenever it is nearly finished.
Offer an arrangement you can actually support: “You can finish telling the bear your message, then it is Jo’s call.” Check that both children have understood. Do not announce a timing rule that the household has not agreed, or promise a second toy you cannot provide.
Keep the waiting child’s choice real. They can watch, use another available toy or stop wanting a turn. Waiting does not require performing cheerful enthusiasm. If they move away, avoid interpreting that as a permanent surrender of every future turn.
Work through a missed handover
Fictional example: Noor is using the family’s toy telephone to call an imaginary train driver. Eli wants to call a dragon. Their nanny, Bea, offers a finish: Noor will give the driver the station name, say goodbye and pass the telephone to Eli.
Noor gives the name, then begins a new call. Bea does not repeat “share nicely.” She returns to the agreement: “That was the station message. We said Eli’s call comes next.” Noor says the driver needs directions back.
Bea acknowledges the unfinished idea without inventing another extension: “You still have a return journey in your story. You can tell me the directions while Eli makes his call.” Eli makes a brief dragon call and then decides to build a station. Bea checks with Noor before treating the telephone as unwanted. The arrangement needed an adult’s follow-through, not a verdict that either child failed.
Change an arrangement that is not working
Sometimes the proposed turn is too vague, the waiting is not workable or the toy cannot be used in the way the children imagined. Name that specific problem. “We cannot tell when this turn finishes” is more useful than “You two never share.”
Try one revision at a time. Replace an open-ended turn with one recognizable action, or pause the joint game and offer separate available play. Avoid cycling through increasingly elaborate bargains while the children become more upset. If the disagreement needs immediate intervention, follow the family’s established care approach before discussing another arrangement.
Keep the immediate discussion on who uses the toy and when. Follow the family’s agreed approach for any later conversation about what happened, rather than adding another demand while you are resolving the turn.
Notice the agreement rather than the winner
When the handover happens, describe it plainly: “You finished the message and passed the telephone.” That names the action without comparing the children or declaring one the generous child.
At the next similar moment, recall only what is useful: “Last time, finishing one message gave us a clear stopping place.” The children may want another arrangement today. Offer the previous idea as an option, not a debt they must repay because someone waited yesterday.
You can leave the interaction with three practical checks: both requests were heard, the ending was understandable, and the adult followed through. Those are things you can adjust in your own support even when the play remains imperfect.
Sources
Head Start: Social Preschool, relationships with other children. The dialogue and fictional telephone example are original NAJ illustrations, not a prescribed behavior program or developmental assessment.