Nanny Agency JobsWhen one parent praises your work and another criticizes the same approach, ask them to agree on the standard they want you to meet. Choosing the more encouraging assessment will not resolve the conflict. Neither will trying to satisfy two incompatible expectations in private.
Start with the family's agreed route for employment decisions. Ask who coordinates your review and how both parents' expectations will become one written work plan. This concerns your performance assessment; a competing instruction about today's activity belongs in the conflicting-instructions guide.
Find out what the assessments mean
Separate three possible disagreements. The parents may remember an event differently, want different outcomes, or disagree about how much authority you have. Each needs a different answer. More effort cannot resolve a disagreement about whether you may make a particular decision.
For example, “You should organize more outings” and “You book too much without asking” may concern initiative, spending permission or the number of activities. Ask each parent for the work example behind the comment. Keep your response factual and avoid guessing which parent is upset with whom.
Use existing, relevant work records where useful. An activity proposal and the reply approving it can help establish what was agreed. A collection of unrelated private messages usually adds noise. You are trying to establish a usable expectation, not build a case against either parent.
Use a three-part reconciliation sheet
This original NAJ tool separates the issue before the discussion. Complete one row for the disputed part of your job, rather than producing an overall score for each parent.
| Question | What to bring | What needs agreement |
|---|---|---|
| Goal: what should good work achieve? | The two descriptions of the desired result, stated neutrally. | One outcome both parents want you to work toward. |
| Evidence: what actually happened? | A dated example, your action and any relevant existing instruction. | What is accepted, disputed or still unknown about that example. |
| Authority: what may you decide? | The current permission or approval process you understood. | Which decisions you can make and who confirms exceptions. |
A disputed fact can remain disputed while the family agrees on a future standard. Do not write that everyone accepted your account if they did not. Equally, acknowledging concern does not require agreeing to an inaccurate description of your work.
Request a shared employment discussion
Arrange a conversation with the relevant employer contacts, with childcare covered so the discussion can receive attention. A useful invitation is: “I have received different feedback about activity planning. Could we agree together on the outcome you want, the approvals I need and how we will assess it? I would like one plan I can follow consistently.”
If one parent normally manages employment matters, ask how that person will obtain and confirm the shared expectations. Do not decide that authority follows who pays you, who is home more often or who last sent a message. This article does not determine parental authority or interpret custody arrangements.
Keep private complaints out of the middle. You can say, “I can discuss what this means for my work, but I need the agreed expectation confirmed through our employment channel.” Avoid carrying personal criticisms from one parent to the other or involving the children as witnesses to the disagreement.
Write the standard you will use
Fictional example: One parent tells Alex to show more initiative with outings; the other criticizes bookings made without discussion. At a joint meeting, they agree that Alex will propose two activities each week within the existing role. The designated parent will approve any booking and expense before Alex commits.
The written summary separates Alex's task from the parent's decision: “I will send the proposals on Monday. You will confirm selections and spending approval. We will review the planning process together after two weeks.” The two-week period is an example, not a recommended universal review interval.
Also record what applies until the new arrangement begins and any point still awaiting agreement. If the parents cannot settle a workable standard, ask for a follow-up meeting and, where available, placement-agency support for the employment discussion. Do not promise to meet incompatible targets in the meantime.
For a fuller meeting agenda, use performance-review preparation. For answering a particular criticism accurately, use responding to difficult feedback.
Sources
International Nanny Association: Recommended Practices for Nanny Employers, page 4, recommends regular reviews away from children. NDWA: Fair Contracts for Domestic Work recommends agreement on responsibilities and processes for feedback and conflict resolution. Checked October 30, 2026. The reconciliation sheet and sample are original NAJ tools; neither source establishes a hierarchy between parents.